Today has felt really, really weird.  Maybe it's a consequence of only getting 2 hours of sleep on Sunday night and not really making up for it on the nights since, maybe it was the powerful storm that was coming tonight, maybe it is all of the social interactions I've had scheduled lately that have been out of my element, and the lack of alone time I need to balance it.  No matter what was behind it, I felt odd today in a way I haven't really felt before, or at least not in quite awhile.  I have some coping mechanisms for when I feel particularly "off" or like I'm suffocating or like I'm crawling out of my skin, but none of those seemed to fit today.  The song below kept running through my head, reminding me to keep breathing.  Sometimes that's the best thing to do.  Just keep breathing, attending to the breath in and out.  Let all of those outside things that I may or may not be able to do anything about fall away if just for a moment.  And connect with the cycle of in and out that keeps me alive, in this body, experiencing life in so many beautiful and painful and perplexing ways.  Sometimes the best thing to do when you feel like you're drowning in the intensity of the world is to just breathe and breathe and breathe until you feel like you have a handle on life again, even a teeny tiny one.  And so I wanted to share the song with you today, just in case you need the reminder too.  <3


"Keep Breathing"  Ingrid Michaelson

The title of this post will probably either leave you nodding your head in agreement because you've thought it many times before, or wondering how I could make such an absurd statement.  Actually, there are many ways I feel life is like a video game, but today I'm just going to talk about one.

There are many different types of video games.  The type I've been thinking about lately is called a side scrolling video game.  If you've ever played Mario or Sonic, you've played a side scroller.  Typically, you start the level at a point on the left, and as you move right, towards the end of the level, the camera follows you with a speed that matches your movement.  You can be as slow or as fast as you want.  If there is no one in the area coming to attack you and you really have to pee, you can leave your little character standing there until you come back and everything will be hunky dory.  My kids have done this multiple, multiple times.  We'll come back from somewhere and realize the game has been on for HOURS and the character is waiting right there.  Maybe yawning or asleep, but none the worse for wear.

I SO wish life were like this at times.  I am fully aware that there are things I'm meant to do in this life, some of which really freak me out.  And my default setting when freaked out is to resist and procrastinate and refuse to do anything even semi related to that thing I'm supposed to do.  Maybe you're familiar with that setting?  I wish that I could sit down and refuse to do anything and still have the time and opportunity to do that thing.  Because I really do WANT to, I'm just not ready quite yet.  But life is not like that type of video game, because life doesn't sit and do nothing when I'm refusing.  I can't find a safe place to hide so I can avoid that next challenge for as long as I want, because that challenge may not be there by the time I'm done avoiding it.