This post is part of a series of posts I am writing about my experience of depression earlier in my life and my experience of it now. My hope is that it both helps me find my way out again and helps bring peace and light and understanding to others on their own journeys. <3
I have a pretty clear picture of what triggered my initial depression when I was a child (as described in My Depression Journey part 1 ). So what is triggering it now? I did not have another experience of abuse like I had the first time. Yes, I understand that I need to write about it (and I wouldn't have written about it if I wasn't in a place where I HAD to) but I know there is more.
Two years ago I felt like I was flying high. I felt loved, I felt happy, I felt like I was starting to learn how to use my own wings. The high point was a year and a half ago. I attended the Awesomism 12/12/12 event in Sedona Arizona and it was AMAZING. It was the first time since having kids that I had gone off on my own and done something. And I was with an amazing group of people who had been loving me and supporting me from afar for the previous year, maybe two if I count my time in the New Human Experience Project.
When people ask what Awesomism is my answer is usually that it is a look at the spiritual and brilliance side of autism. It is really hard for me to explain, and my brain frequently let me know how crazy it was, but I felt called to it nonetheless. My heart knew I needed to be there. And through the New Human Experience Project and the Awesomism level one certification process I came to know and love myself more than I ever had. The weird things that go tumbling around in my brain that I don't dare to say I was able to let out and have people say they they felt similar, or at least they were curious and interested instead of being horrified or angry or just plain thinking I was insane. I was able to find people who experienced the world in ways similar to how I experience it. I was able to see how there might be a gift hidden in the problems I have had being here on Earth. I was encouraged in my art and allowed to experiment and get feedback. My heart was expanding and glowing brighter and brighter.
Two years ago I felt like I was flying high. I felt loved, I felt happy, I felt like I was starting to learn how to use my own wings. The high point was a year and a half ago. I attended the Awesomism 12/12/12 event in Sedona Arizona and it was AMAZING. It was the first time since having kids that I had gone off on my own and done something. And I was with an amazing group of people who had been loving me and supporting me from afar for the previous year, maybe two if I count my time in the New Human Experience Project.
When people ask what Awesomism is my answer is usually that it is a look at the spiritual and brilliance side of autism. It is really hard for me to explain, and my brain frequently let me know how crazy it was, but I felt called to it nonetheless. My heart knew I needed to be there. And through the New Human Experience Project and the Awesomism level one certification process I came to know and love myself more than I ever had. The weird things that go tumbling around in my brain that I don't dare to say I was able to let out and have people say they they felt similar, or at least they were curious and interested instead of being horrified or angry or just plain thinking I was insane. I was able to find people who experienced the world in ways similar to how I experience it. I was able to see how there might be a gift hidden in the problems I have had being here on Earth. I was encouraged in my art and allowed to experiment and get feedback. My heart was expanding and glowing brighter and brighter.
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