I have been doing a lot of stretching outside of my comfort zone lately! It has involved things that I wanted to do this year that I knew would be a stretch but I was sure I could handle. But then they just happened to lump together time-wise. And I found myself in chaos.
First there was creating a painting and donating it to a wonderful preschool for a silent auction.
First there was creating a painting and donating it to a wonderful preschool for a silent auction.
When I was asked if I wanted to do it I knew in my heart that I absolutely did, but the voices in my head were SO loud yelling about how I suck and everyone is going to laugh at it and why on Earth did I actually think this would bring in any money and on and on and on. I wanted to not even bother, but my heart kept tugging me along. I knew it was something I needed to do. But the static in my head just kept going on and on and on. Listening to the voices finally helped me realize that it didn't even matter if everyone thought it was horrible. What DID matter was that it was something I wrote at the beginning of the year that I wanted to do- use a painting to help raise money for something- and I was going to DO it. And I was going to cross that thing off of my list and know that I had done something new this year and that the important thing wasn't the outcome, it was the fact that I stepped through my fear and actually acted. And that helped me find the resolution to complete the task and hand it over. Which was fantastic and I was very proud of myself.
And then later that day I realized I had one day to mail in an entry form for an art show that I wanted to enter. I had also written at the beginning of the year that I wanted to enter an art show I had never entered before (bringing my total to an enormous *2* different art shows entered as an adult) and this was it. I had wanted to complete a new piece just for this show, but realized that the entry form wanted both the name of the piece and the dimensions, so I had to use something I already had completed and framed. I chose one photo and one mixed media piece that I had entered in the other show last year. I decided I could work on the mixed media piece some more because I wasn't completely happy with it, and in that way I would have at least one semi new thing to enter. But again, I reminded myself that the point wasn't really to have something amazing in the show. The point was just to enter it in the first place. Because I know myself, and even the act of entering something unknown can be enough to trigger a ton of anxiety and hand a megaphone to those darn voices in my head. I wasn't too worried because I thought I had worked though my art show jitters when I had entered that other show for the first time two years ago. I'd had a huge meltdown (when I got home) after the artist's reception for that. Why on Earth had I thought I was good enough to enter? Everyone knows just looking at my pieces I have no right to be there! Everyone is thinking horribly of me! And on and on. Last year when I entered the same show it had been SO much easier. I felt much more confident. Sure, my art wasn't like most of what was there, but I felt sure that it would touch at least one person and that was enough. So I thought there might be a small increase in pre-show anxiety but I wasn't too worried about it.
So I got to work on the mixed media piece. It had been an Intuitive Message Painting (the first mixed media one) so I pulled out the message that had come with it to try to open myself to further instructions for it. This was the message-
And then later that day I realized I had one day to mail in an entry form for an art show that I wanted to enter. I had also written at the beginning of the year that I wanted to enter an art show I had never entered before (bringing my total to an enormous *2* different art shows entered as an adult) and this was it. I had wanted to complete a new piece just for this show, but realized that the entry form wanted both the name of the piece and the dimensions, so I had to use something I already had completed and framed. I chose one photo and one mixed media piece that I had entered in the other show last year. I decided I could work on the mixed media piece some more because I wasn't completely happy with it, and in that way I would have at least one semi new thing to enter. But again, I reminded myself that the point wasn't really to have something amazing in the show. The point was just to enter it in the first place. Because I know myself, and even the act of entering something unknown can be enough to trigger a ton of anxiety and hand a megaphone to those darn voices in my head. I wasn't too worried because I thought I had worked though my art show jitters when I had entered that other show for the first time two years ago. I'd had a huge meltdown (when I got home) after the artist's reception for that. Why on Earth had I thought I was good enough to enter? Everyone knows just looking at my pieces I have no right to be there! Everyone is thinking horribly of me! And on and on. Last year when I entered the same show it had been SO much easier. I felt much more confident. Sure, my art wasn't like most of what was there, but I felt sure that it would touch at least one person and that was enough. So I thought there might be a small increase in pre-show anxiety but I wasn't too worried about it.
So I got to work on the mixed media piece. It had been an Intuitive Message Painting (the first mixed media one) so I pulled out the message that had come with it to try to open myself to further instructions for it. This was the message-
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